Thursday, August 2, 2012
I have been putting off this post for several weeks now. My heart had been too heavy to put into words the emotions I've been feeling and I just wasn't ready yet. And although I'm not sure I'll ever really be ready, I know we have friends that read this blog who care about our family and the happenings within it. The past 8 weeks with our sweet Gavin have been ones full of great joy intermixed with great sorrow. At 4 weeks old, Gavin was diagnosed with profound, bilateral hearing loss at a routine screening test. The type of loss he has is unexplained, it is life-altering, and it is permanent. And we know that Gavin belongs to a God who doesn't tremble at any diagnosis and can completely restore with a touch of His hand. So while we pray for healing every day, continuously, and will not cease; we are also taking the necessary medical steps on the path of helping Gavin to start hearing sounds. I am most heartbroken as a mom knowing that my child might someday feel different than other kids and will have to work harder and struggle more to gain skills that come naturally to most. I want to protect him from the hardship and pain that can come from having a disability, yet I know I wont always be able to. And it just kills me.
God, in His kindness has been giving John and I many small reminders of His presence and tender care for our family throughout this process. It truly has been a depiction of the 2 Corinthians verse "For when I am weak, then I am strong." We have been wrapped in love and support by our families and friends and covered by their prayers. John is my rock, always there to remind me that everything really will be okay and to pull me in for a warm hug when I'm losing my mind.
It has been a busy few weeks of appointments with audiologists, doctors, social workers, and care coordinators. We have been overwhelmed with information, pamphlets, programs, forms, and insurance uncertainties. But next Friday is a big day. Gavin will be fitted with his first pair of hearing aids and will be able to hear our voices for the first time. I am anxious to see how he reacts when he realizes our house isn't the quiet sanctuary he originally thought.
Thank you for your prayers and all the love you've been sending our way. God is good, even when we don't understand. 10,000 reasons for my heart to find.