I blame 90% of it on the crazy busy, unending job of feeding and watering 3 little people; and the remaining 10% on my own laziness once those 3 little people finally close their eyes at night. But at least I'm being honest right?
Life continues on here as the days blur into weeks, which blur into months, which continue through holidays and family feasts, and thankfulness, and replacing pumpkins with garland, and filling up the calendar with so many events you start to sweat a little when you face your Monday morning to-do list. I love this time of year, even more now that Eli and Norah are old enough to be transfixed by all the magic and the twinkling lights. But it does still get a bit overwhelming at times trying to cram it all in.
Gavin will be 6 months old this week. I would say that the time has flown by, because that's what you're supposed to say as a parent. But sometimes when I look back at all that has happened in our little guy's short life already, it seems much longer. And I don't mean that negatively. Certainly, these months have been emotional, and heart-breaking, and difficult. We would never have chosen to watch our son struggle to hear us, to meet milestones that should come without effort, to deal with an uncertain future. But this boy has wrapped himself so tightly around every inch of our hearts, that it's as if he was never not here. We still are in the waiting phase, faithfully keeping Gavin's hearing aids in for as much of the day as we can, practicing simple sign language with him while we bathe him, play with him, feed him. We still don't know how much language he is getting. We probably wont for a few more months still. And the waiting is so hard.
But I do know that Gavin (or God rather) is changing me through all of this. I look at Gavin and I see perfection. My mother-bear protective nature over him is something fierce. God has been teaching me so much about my own pride, about waiting for His timing, about releasing the death grip I hold on things I cannot change. And he has also been revealing to me the beautiful heart of the man I married. John cares for Gavin so sweetly, tenderly helping him with his hearing aids, getting up with him during the night, patiently working with him on his development, never complaining about what isn't. I am so thankful for a man who is much stronger than I am at showing grace in difficult circumstances.
The Bible verse we chose for Gavin's nursery wall when I was pregnant has become the powerful words I pray over him each night when I put him to bed. What a perfect reminder of just how much God thinks of each one of his children.
"The Lord your God is with you.
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."